Sometimes we go through some psychological, physical and emotional turmoil based on our relationship with family, friends, partners and even with ourselves and we often feel talking with others about it might help relieve the pain we might otherwise go through alone. Most often we blamed ourselves for some of these ordeals we go through whereas in other situations, the outcome is totally beyond our control. Nobody is immune to rejection, mistrust, disloyalty, abuse and all the other negative emotions which come with our interpersonal relationship with others. For as long as you remain a human beings, its okay to share your experiences with others (friends or family) if it makes you comfortable.The only problem is, sometimes we go overboard with how much tale we tell and to how many people we tell it to.
“Do not wash your dirty linens in public” and “everybody has skeletons in their closet” both of these idiomatic expressions seem to talk about discreetness, circumspection and the act of being discerning. Please note that it doesn’t show prohibition or forbiddance, you ought to wash your dirty linens because it’s important to have clean clothes but be mindful of where you wash them and at the same time keep those little secrets( the things you don’t want to people to know about) and the skeletons hidden. You all know that a closet is not a place for receiving visitors and it’s certainly not a part of the house which is visible to passersby, it’s a storage area only known to you and your household (few friends and family).
I find it very uncomfortable and utterly disgusting when I hear people talking about their failed relationships with people to everybody they meet and to anyone who will listen for as long as they have ears and can hear. What good will it do to you if you made everybody know the sort of person your girlfriend is after she dumped you for someone else forgetting all that you did for her and her family. Telling people about how you picked her up from the gutter and transformed her into a decent human being and even to the extent of giving the gory details of what she looks like without her clothes on. Everything concerning her is blabbered without any consideration. Even her meals are not spared although it’s a bit surprising it is the same bad cook’s food you have been eating for years and never complained. What benefit do you get by telling every tom dick and harry? So she is pegged as a threat to society for others to be wary of? Or for the sympathy and attention you get from telling others? If you feel betrayed and hurt, you can talk to some trusted friends whose shoulders you can always cry on and count upon for the support that you might need. In worst scenarios, you can talk to as many psychologists as you please since they are those who can really help you and have taken the oath of secrecy as well.
So after 30 of marriage, you are now telling everyone what an irresponsible and useless man your husband is forgetting that you and that same useless man had six children. What were you doing with him then, after the second child? Were you cursed or under his spell? My question is why tell it now and to everybody else? Even to those who are not married and haven’t even being able to keep a man for even a day, much less marry a man and attempt to have just one kid. Yet they dared to talk about a man with such displeasure because the faithful wife exposed her husband to strangers.
People will also listen and sympathize with you about your personal issues if you bring it up to them but they will at the same time laugh at your foolishness for associating yourself with those people who hurt you. They will often say that you should have known better and even mock you behind your back. Others will also judge and draw up conclusion about the kind of person you are even when they barely know you because you gave them the platform to air their useless views by going to them in last place.
Imagine I tell everyone about the number of pregnancies I have aborted( let’s say about 20) and I happen to marry a sterile man(not to my knowledge) If the difficulty of childbirth came up, will it not be easy enough for everybody to point me out as the cause even though I haven’t been clinically proven barren? Why, because you know something about me and not about the man. Sometimes the situation is so bad that those who don’t have the right to say anything will meddle in your affairs just like my sterile husband who might want to divorce me, when he knows very well that he equally has a similar problem. Can I blame him? No, because unlike me his story is not out there in the open. On the other hand imagine me the same story, only this time our medical conditions are only known to us and not to the whole world, will you not give us hope and tell us it is God who gives children?
I don’t know about your skeletons and you certainly don’t know about my linens which are not only dirty but are quite discolored and has a thousand holes in them as well. Nevertheless I can boastfully stand in public and say that my linen is without stain or blemish and you will not have any reason to doubt or disagree with me because you do not know my story! How many times haven’t you heard of people breaking up and making up and partnerships and contracts re -awarded? Will you now go back and tell everyone else to ignore or forget earlier tales you told about that same person? You might even be suspected of being mentally imbalance and the truth is whether by accident or intention, you can never gather an egg once it’s broken, not even in a million years. The morale is not to tell but be discreet about telling, circumspect to check who else is listening before you discern information.
Except if your story is to educate or create awareness of a disease or a practice or to expose or prosecute someone for a crime, do yourself and our ears a favour and just shut the hell UP!!!!!
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